Go backFriendships During Breast Cancer
They can be a confusing part of the breast cancer experience
We read quite often about the great friends: The ones who, upon hearing about your breast cancer diagnosis, immediately "circle the wagons" and mobilize a group to share the duties of driving you to your doctor's appointments, sitting with you on days you're sick, and feeding your family when you can't even think about food. Those are the best friendship stories, the ones we love to celebrate.
Most women going through the ordeal are prepared to lose their hair, their lunch, their memory, even their breasts. But few women are primed for the possibility that they may also lose previously tried and true friends along the way. Fortunately, this doesn't happen to everyone, since most friends are steadfast, but if you have already, or are now going through treatment and notice someone simply isn't showing up like they used to, either physically or emotionally, you are not alone.
What makes a friend?
Perhaps it's important to determine exactly what "friendship" means. The dictionary defines friendship
Cancer is a transformational part of anyone’s life. For the patient, it often means enduring round after round of chemotherapy and/or radiation, vast uncertainty as to
A woman who formerly planned everything down to the last detail may now not care (or notice) whether things are done correctly. The "life of the party" may have temporarily become a party pooper. And the former leader of the pack may simply want someone else to blaze the trails. This shift can be as frustrating for the individual undergoing treatment as it is to those affected by it. And it’s glaringly obvious that these sorts of changes can test any relationship.
Whys and wherefores
The reasons someone goes missing during your time of need are as varied as the friends themselves. And while it hurts, it may help to consider the friend’s personality and circumstances.
A friend who is a natural "fixer"
- May feel: Ill-equipped emotionally, financially or physically to make a difference to you
- ...and therefore: They're paralyzed to do anything
A friend who is a quiet "observer"
- May feel: They'll say the wrong thing
- ...and therefore: They may say nothing at all
A friend who is a genuine "worrier"
- May feel: Afraid of your illness because it makes them vulnerable, too
- ...and therefore: They don't want to approach those feelings (or you).
In any of these cases, the friend will likely also feel ashamed to admit they are unsure how to help you.
So is there something that can be done to repair friendships worth keeping? There are certainly ways to try. Perhaps the most important step is opening up the lines of honest communication. Someone has to start the conversation, and as unfair as it seems, that someone may have to be the person dealing with breast cancer.
The friendship avenue runs both ways
If you are the patient (and you feel up to it) give them a call, send your friend an email, text or card and simply say “I miss you!” That’s all you need to convey. The ball is now in their court. If they value the friendship and are up to the task, you’ve given them an opening. Sometimes something as simple as allowing too much time to pass can create an awkward situation. Reaching out without challenging them about why they haven’t been there for you, may allow your friend the opportunity to step back into your life without feeling like they have a lot of explaining to do.
The reverse is just as true. If you are the friend, it’s not too late to pick up the phone, send an email, text or a card with the exact same sentiment. I miss you says it all and goes a long way to
With luck and time, many of these problems resolve themselves. Unfortunately, when you are in the midst of treatment you may sincerely wish someone would wise up – and show up – and they simply can’t. While this can be hurtful, it doesn’t help you to dwell on it. If there is one thing you can learn from breast cancer, it is to allow each person the grace to be exactly who they are in the here and now – not who you wish they could be. And remember, while you are granting this courtesy to others; be sure to allow yourself the same consideration.
Don’t forget, although breast cancer may make you feel like you’ve lost some friends, you have most likely discovered new ones along the way. Going through treatment, joining support groups, even sitting in waiting rooms puts you in touch with others facing similar experiences, which often
To make sure you hear about our new articles as soon as they're available, sign up for our newsletter.
Essential 2A breast forma size 5 R by CP Essential 2A brast form size 5 R
Natural feel by CL Thank you all at Amoena I am so pleased with these breast forms. I have just received the essential 3S forms in a size 7 and have warn them all day today and have forgotten that they were there. They have given me a good shape and have not caused an problems on the shoulders Also I would like to thank the staff on the help lines who were very professional, and patient with my enquires again thank youHomemaker by Susan I purchased the Amoena Essential 3S 363 breast forms. I have worn several other brands over the last 20 years, but these are the best. They have the same feel and weight as natural breast, I love the way they move with me, just the right amount of jiggle.Homemaker by Susan I purchased the Amoena Essential 3S 363 breast forms. I have worn several other brands over the last 20 years, but these are the best. They have the same feel and weight as natural breast, I love the way they move with me, just the right amount of jiggle.
LIght Breast Form by PW They really are very light, not like the previous version. Really pleased with my purchased.
Beaucoup de légèreté by Annie CLEMENT Bonjour, J'ai acheté cette prothèse il y a deux mois. Et elle m'a changé la vie, car beaucoup plus légère que mon ancienne environ 360 gr de moins. J'en arrive à oublier que j'ai une prothèse ce qui ait appréciable.Natura Xtra Light 2SN Breast Form by FD I was getting shoulder pain with a normal weight breast form. This is definitely lighter. It is very wide but this does give wider spread than the normal breast form, and so sits more comfortablyComfortable fit by IS First fit, still using pocketed but so much better than kapok filled forms.
Very pleased by CC After losing a little weight my 3S Breast Form was looking too full. The 2S is perfect and the perfect weight, I always forget I'm wearing a breast form.MRS by M H VERY PLEASED WITH MY NEW BOOBS AND GREAT SERVICE