What the Flock?
A new fashion trend is making headway... or is it?
As someone who was formerly “hairing impaired,” I am reluctant to make disparaging comments about anything that makes a woman feel better about how she looks. I remember all too well what it felt like to be bald. It was cold, itchy and certainly not one of my sexiest looks. I distinctly remember swearing that once I had hair again I would hold on to it for dear life – and forever be grateful for its return. I’ve kept my word!
Not only did I promise to be thankful for my own hair, I swore I would never make negative remarks about anyone else’s noggin, whether it sported a full mane, a Trump-like muffin top, or a billiard ball sheen. I swear I swore – really I did! But I’ve noticed a trend – one that I unwittingly may have started, long ago (it just took a while to gel).
I’m not proud to admit it, but in my family (maybe I can blame this on the time in which I was born) people slept on feather pillows… that had been handed down from their forefathers. I think mine came over on the Mayflower.
When she did spring housecleaning, my mother would wash those puppies and hang them on the line to dry and air out, because the luxury of spending money to replace these lumpy hand-me-downs was tantamount to selling the family jewels. Since our family had no jewels (sorry dad), I clung to my feather pillow with great gusto. I might add that washing a feather pillow and hanging it on a line to dry is not the best method for cleaning it. Pity the child who unwittingly runs into one that has just been placed on the line -- they weigh about 60 pounds and could knock you for a loop that lasted until suppertime! Of course, I am much too smart to have done this, but I’ve heard tell….
Having a pillow that is older than the creepy pictures of your grandma’s ancestors is special I guess, but it has its downside (no pun intended). By the time I was in my teens, my pillow had about five or six feathers remaining. I’m sure it didn’t help that I loved to pull them out when they poked through the ticking. If only this had occurred today, I could be rich, do you hear me? Rich! (Or at the very least I’d be able to afford a new pillow.)
If you are wondering exactly what trend I started, I’ll give you a hint. Because of my pillow’s advanced age, it wasn’t unusual for me to wake up with feathers in my hair. Usually I would catch sight of them the first time I spotted a mirror in the morning. That’s if I was lucky. Unfortunately, there were occasions where I would be at school and someone would say, “Hold still a minute,” at which point they would pull a feather from my hair and hand it to me. Yes, yes, I know, people back then were much more into grooming – we were the direct descendants of the original nitpickers – and proud of it.
Little did I know that one day people would think having feathers in your hair is sexy and desirable! Actually, now that I ponder it a bit, I did think the Indian braves in the old Westerns looked pretty hot, but I used to think it was because they weren’t wearing shirts. Now I can see it was because of the emerging trend in their tresses!
In the past few months I’ve started noticing all sorts of women wearing feather hair extensions. And I mean ALL SORTS OF WOMEN. Have you seen them? Suddenly my landlady, the checkout girl, the waitress, the librarian, the television anchor, the dog trainer, and in some instances, even the dog catcher have all added feathers to their locks. This trend has become so popular in my area, I’m afraid the tinsel extensions they offered at holiday-time will be a thing of the past, and that would just be wrong.
Okay, okay: I remember what I swore and I am trying my best to keep my oath, but every time I see another woman sporting several strands of feathers, I can’t help but wonder where all of these are coming from, as I say a silent prayer for birds everywhere. This gives new meaning to the term chickening out!
Ever the entrepreneur, I am currently trying to remember all of the other former fashion faux pas I committed -- to see what sizzling new craze is headed our way. Just remember, if it’s toilet paper hanging from either the back of our pants or shoes, you have me to thank.
(Author’s note: In the writing of this article no friends' feelings were hurt in my pursuit of a laugh at the expense of hair extensions. I swear!)
