When your partner was first diagnosed with breast cancer, chances are she felt frightened, confused, and emotionally overwhelmed. So did you. Breast cancer turned your world upside-down, too, and your feelings probably ran the gamut from fear and despair to guilt and rage. Now that some time has passed, though, you are learning to be your partner's number one supporter. But are you remembering to take care of yourself?

Caregiving and takingYour partner's cancer is likely to be one of the biggest crises the two of you will ever face together. It may bring with it many changes, such as changes in your schedule, your role at home, your finances, and your plans for the near future. And all these unexpected changes can mean psychological stress. If you let things get out of hand, you can wind up with stress-related ailments, such as headaches, backaches, insomnia, fatigue, and depression. Since one sick person is enough, it's crucial to keep stress under control.

"Your partner's cancer is likely to be one of the biggest crises the two of you will ever face together."

One of the simplest ways to head off stress and bring on relaxation is with deep abdominal breathing. Here is an easy breathing exercise to try:

1. Sit, lie, or stand in a comfortable position. Become aware of your breathing.

2. Close your eyes. Place one hand on your belly just below your navel.

3. Take a long, deep breath in. Feel your hand rise slightly as you inhale.

4. Let the breath out slowly. Feel your hand fall slightly as you exhale.

5. Keep taking long, deep, steady breaths for a few minutes. Let the stress leave your body as you focus on your breathing.  

6. Let your breathing return to normal after a few minutes. You can do this exercise virtually anywhere, anytime during the day.

These are more ways to be a good caregiver to yourself:

• Don’t neglect your own physical health. Eat regular, well-balanced meals, and avoid overloading on junk food or caffeine. Exercise regularly, which is also an excellent stress reliever. And make sure to get enough sleep.
• Find strength in spirituality. This can mean going to church or talking to a hospital chaplain, but it also can mean simply engaging in private prayer or meditation. Whatever form it takes, spirituality can be comforting and calming.
• Take time out for yourself. Schedule regular breaks to visit with friends, go to the gym, play a sport, or pursue a hobby. You'll feel better, and your partner will benefit as well, since you'll be refreshed and invigorated afterward.
• Plan fun times with your partner, too. Even during her treatment, don't let the hobbies you share fall by the wayside. You can still watch a movie, listen to music, or go for a walk. Just take it easy until she recovers her energy.
• Be honest with your partner. Talk openly about how your lives have changed, and share your darkest fears as well as your brightest hopes. Most couples find that this kind of emotional intimacy just brings them closer together.
• Reach out to others for support as well. If you are hurting, it can help to talk to people who have had similar experiences. For a referral to a support group for family members in your area, ask a doctor, nurse, or social worker. Or call the American Cancer Societyat (800) ACS-2345.

• Gillette Women's Cancer Connection. For partners:
  Introduction.; It's all about change.; Taking care of your self.
• Benson, Herbert, and Eileen M. Stuart. The Wellness Book: The Comprehensive Guide to Maintaining Health and Treating Stress-Related Illness. New York: Fireside; 1992.
• American Cancer Society. A Breast Cancer Journey: Your Personal Guidebook. Atlanta, GA: American Cancer Society; 2001.
• Kneece, Judy C. Helping Your Mate Face Breast Cancer: Tips for Becoming an Effective Support Partner. Columbia, SC: EduCare Publishing; 2001.